Experimenting
by kitty1227
Summary: Jace doesn't love girls, he just uses them, maybe they aren't what he's looking for, maybe his heart wants something or someone else pre COB Rated M for future chapters, AU
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so I know that it's been a while since I wrote anything, but I have exams so that's been taking up all my time, but at the constant nagging from my friend Julie to write a jalec, I guess I could find time to write a one-shot...**

**Hope you enjoy, (pre COB)**

Alec watched another girl leave the institute in tears; at least she looked like a girl. Moving around to get a better view he saw that her eyes were lilac coloured, with no pupils, no irises and no whites, just two lilac holes in her face. Alec thought that he would have found it quite unnerving to make-out with a downworlder and he didn't think he could ever love one; there was however someone else he could love...

* * *

Jace looked out of the window watching the nymph leave, she was pretty, he had to admit, what was her name again?

He sighed, he just didn't understand that while in the moment, yeah he wanted her, but when it passed the feeling went away and he felt numb again. Maybe, girls weren't his thing, maybe, just maybe...

* * *

Alec looked up from the large volume he was reading when Jace came in, Jace thought that Alec looked good today, after they were out hunting all day yesterday, he looked fresh, rested.

"What is it Jace?" Alec looked annoyed that he had been interrupted

"Erm, I just wanted to ask you something..."

"Okaaay..." Alec seemed to get impatient, because the look on Jace's face, was that... fear?

Jace sat down in the leather armchair opposite Alec and moved it so close to him that if Jace leaned forward he could easily kiss him, and now that Jace thought about it, he wanted to. There were two ways this could go, Alec would either push him away, which would mean Jace's suspicions were wrong, or he might kiss Jace back, which would mean that Jace had been right all along about Alec.

"Can I just try something, please don't freak out," Jace said, Alec moved to stand-up thinking it was some sort of new defence tactic or something, "Stay right where you are Alec." Jace looked deep in to Alec's dark eyes, they looked bottomless and mysterious. Alec looked into Jace's golden eyes, they looked so warm and Alec felt himself start to get lost in them.

It was then Alec noticed Jace start to lean towards him, Jace pressed his forehead against his, how many times had Alec dreamed about this moment? Alec almost fell off his chair in shock, but he couldn't tear his eyes away as Jace pressed his lips against Alec's, they were soft and gentle, they were careful. Alec moved his mouth in time, a little unsure of what to do when Jace slipped his tongue into Alec's mouth, but then he let himself go, relaxed into it, let his tongue and Jace's battle together like they had done themselves so many times when they were training. Jace pushed his fingers through Alec's dark locks and Alec pulled hard on Jace's golden curls, both of them getting desperate, both wanting more.

Suddenly they were both standing and Alec's shirt was on the ground, then Jace's, black and white mingled on the floor, as Jace moved his fingers up and down Alec's spine, feeling the raised impressions of past runes and the lean muscle's along his shoulders and down his arms, the kiss deepened and their hands travelled restlessly exploring each other. Alec shivered.

Jace moved his kisses down Alec's neck and shoulder then back up to his lips, there was nothing gentle and tender about these kisses, they were fierce and needy.

Suddenly Jace spotted something, using his whole effort to pull himself away from Alec's kisses he walked towards the door, Alec thought that Jace was leaving and before he knew what was happening his hurt and rejection released and tears started to fall down his cheeks, he wiped them away, but they kept coming.

Jace quickly shut and locked the door to the library, he really didn't know what would happen if Maryse or Robert or God forbid Isabelle came in. Jace turned back to Alec ready to continue where they had left off, only to see Alec wiping away... were they tears? Jace stared at Alec incredulously, and ran back.

"What's wrong?" Jace's face held nothing but concern for Alec, and when Alec started to smile and eventually laugh, Jace's concern turned to confusion.

"Oh, God, I'm sorry Jace, I thought you were just going to leave me here. I know it was stupid of me to think so, but you were headed to the door, good thinking by the way, and I thought...I really shouldn't have, I should learn that I can trust you by now..."

Jace smiled at this and wiped a stray tear away from Alec's cheek with his thumb. "Don't worry, Alec." God he could look so earnest sometimes.

Jace kissed the place where he had wiped away a tear, he lips barely brushing the skin of Alec's cheek, his warm breath made Alec's hair stand on end, and much to his surprise and Jace's amusement, he let out a low moan. Embarrassed he pulled away quickly, but Jace only smiled, usually he would have made some sarcastic comment or laughed, but now he just pulled Alec back towards him.

Jace's hands moved slowly down Alec's arms, encircling his waist, before stopping at the waistband of his dark jeans, Jace looked up at Alec as if asking permission. Alec froze, he didn't know what to do, was he ready?

**So guys, is Alec ready? This was supposed to be a one shot, but I've never written an M rated story, or a slash, so should I continue? Leave a comment on what you think I should do...**

**Remember to review please! Thanks!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Don't hate me for this next chapter, I have a whole story just waiting to play out (with the help of Melodic Discord) and I promise I will get to the good parts, but for now don't hate me and enjoy...**

**By the way I forgot, all the characters belong to Cassandra Clare!**

Alec peeled his face off old book, sneezing loudly from inhaling the dust from the yellowed pages. Looking down he was embarrassed to find that a small pool of saliva had accumulated on the crinkly pages; he tried his best to wipe it away before shutting it tight and putting it back.

He poked at the dying embers in the fireplace, the feeling of disappointment all too familiar. Alec knew it was too good to be true, yet every time he did dream about it, it seemed so real. In fact Alec couldn't remember where reality had ended and the dream began, had he really seen the nymph leave?

Interrupting his thoughts was a loud bang from the kitchen, he sighed, Izzy was probably trying to cook, again. Could she ever be left alone in there? Putting on his disapproving-brother face he strode to the kitchen only to find Jace there a smashed bottle of his mother's favourite wine at his feet, he looked really out of it. His eyes were unfocused and he staggered a little before leaning on the kitchen work-top, knocking over some salt and bottle of salad dressing. He then seemed to notice Alec for the first time.

"Hel-lo Al-ec,"he sang with a high pitched voice, "Jus, getting a drink," he smiled lazily, "you want one? I think I spilled a bit..." he frowned, before looking down at the mess and giggling.

Alec had seen Jace drunk before, but not this drunk, what had made him do this? He figured he might as well help him before he broke anything else. He grabbed Jace under the arms and let him lean on him as he helped him out of the kitchen and into his bedroom, he would clear the mess in the kitchen up later. Setting Jace down on the bed, he looked around at the bare room, the bare walls, the bare desk; not even a picture.

Alec had always wondered why that was, why he wanted to leave everything bare, it seemed so unlike Jace with his personality Alec had assumed his room would be chaotic, like Izzy's, just like his chaotic personality, it drove Alec wild sometimes, often in a good way. The only thing that Alec could see that remotely indicated that someone lived here was a small toy soldier sitting on his bedside table, the colour faded, but still standing tall. Alec remembered when they were little how Jace would spend hours with that toy, Alec had always offered to let Jace play with his toys, but he had held on to that one toy like it was keeping him alive.

Alec sighed.

Alec was just about to leave the room when he heard a slurred voice coming from what he had thought was a passed-out-Jace.

"Wheerreee areeee yoouuuu goiiiing?"

"Er, I was going to leave and let you get some sleep, you seem pretty out of it and I don't think you'll be all that grateful in the morning if I don't let you sleep."

There was a pause as Jace turned over putting his back towards Alec.

"Everyone always leaves me." Came a mumbled moan so low that Alec wasn't even sure that was what he had said, "You won't leave me will you Alec?" Came the louder moan that was almost a plea, Alec was starting to get anxious, Jace had never pleaded for anything in his life, let alone company. If anything he shunned any help of any kind, but Alec could never ignore Jace.

"No, I won't leave you Jace." Alec said with sigh, before sitting on the bed. Alec watched Jace curiously as he slowly turned over to face the ceiling a look of deep sadness on his face that Alec had almost never seen before.

Jace sat up slowly wincing as he did so, and holding his head with his palm. He sat next to Alec and looked at him carefully before speaking, "Thanks Alec, you won't ever leave me alone, you won't abandon me, you want me?" Jace blurted out his insecurities like a question, finally being drunk enough to admit them to the only person in the world he fully trusted.

Alec stared at Jace, this was a night of firsts for Alec, and he wasn't sure exactly what Jace meant by "want" him.

"Of course I do Jace; you know that, I'm your parabatai, it's impossible for me to leave you or to not want you."

Jace realised that this was his chance to see, to make a decision, to be with someone who actually gave a damn.

"You want me?" Jace's face turned into a grimace, as he slowly leaned into Alec and pressed his lips to his.

Alec had to make a decision, he knew Jace would surely regret this if he remembered it, but Alec wondered if he would ever get the chance to do anything like this ever again, and he was almost certain that Jace was drunk enough to not remember, what's the worst that could happen?

Alec kissed Jace back, mumbling his name against his mouth, a low moan escaping from him and he grabbed hold of Jace's hair tugging and pulling as Jace brought his hands to lift off Alec's black t-shirt.

_Oh, god I can't believe this is finally happening._ Thought Alec, as he pulled off Jace's t-shirt too.

_By the angel, this is happening, and I'm enjoying it!_ Thought Jace as he caressed Alec's cheek, neck, back and piece he could get his hands on. Desperately wanting some more of being wanted. Jace felt that this was what he needed right now even in his drunken state; he enjoyed being totally loved, for being who he was, not just his look, that's only what the girls seemed to notice, and it felt like they would never get past that. Love is love right? It doesn't matter about gender?

To Jace's surprise it was Alec who seemed to be getting desperate: reaching out to undo Jace's belt, with shaking hands he pulled off Jace's jeans, so all that stood between Alec and Jace was his black boxers. Jace thought this unfair so he pulled off Alec's jeans too, so they were both in their underwear. Not breaking the kiss they fell back onto the bed, their tongue's as one, their legs tangled, Alec grabbing fistfuls of Jace's hair, as Alec realised he was ready.

**So what did you think? I will get to the lemons, but it has to be special, and Jace certainly will not be drunk!**

**Please review! Thanks!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, it has been a reaaaallllyyy long time since I updated this story; it has been a long time since I wrote anything to be honest and just got some time to read all the reviews and it made me feel so bad to realise I left you guys hanging, especially Melodic Discord! So here is the next chapter, hope you enjoy it and don't hate me too much!**

**PS: All characters belong to Cassandra Clare**

Alec and Jace explored each other hands wanting, needing to feel every inch. Feeling every scar, every mark like it was their own-

Until Jace ran to the bathroom hand clasped tight over his mouth, Alec cringed as he heard Jace vomit, feeling the need to wipe his own mouth, a bitter taste on his swollen lips, he pulled his jeans back on, buttoning up his shirt he padded barefoot to the kitchen grabbing a glass of water and some painkillers. He sighed to himself as he went back to Jace's room, cursing himself for being so stupid and trying hard to not feel the deep hole of disappointment building in his stomach.

Jace rested his cheek against the cool rim of the toilet seat, wondering why he had drunk so much, but being glad that he had, being with Alec was like nothing he had ever experienced before, it felt nice to know that he was wanted and loved, but did he love Alec back? Jace pondered this for the next five minutes in between vomits.

Alec opened the door to Jace's room to find that Jace was still in the toilet, wrenching noises still coming from behind the door. Alec knocked on the door when they stopped to find Jace slumped on the floor, completely passed out. Alec heaved him into a sort of standing position, he threw one arm over his shoulder and half dragged, half carried Jace to the bed. He lay him down as Jace's eyes opened, "Oh, man Alec drinking that much definitely isn't good." His speech was still slurred.

"Here take this it might make you feel better." Alec handed him the painkillers and the water, which Jace happily accepted, anything to make the room stop spinning. Alec walked towards the door when he heard Jace speak again, "Thanks, Alec. I love you." Alec stopped dead in his tracks, had those words actually just left the mouth of Jace Wayland? Alec looked back to see he had passed out again. Closing the door behind him Alec sunk to the floor outside Jace's room and put his head in his hands, did words of love have any meaning when the person speaking them was intoxicated or half way to passing out? Alec thought not, and that hurt him more than anything, more than if Jace never said them, because now they would haunt him forever as a lie.

Alec was eating breakfast the next morning with Izzy when Jace staggered into the kitchen, the radio was playing softly, but Jace put his hands over his ears, "CAN SOMEONE TURN THAT DOWN? WHY IS IT ON SO LOUD!" he shouted, but did not seem to realise he was doing so.

"Someone has a hangover," smiled Izzy as she went to turn off the radio, her hair pulled back in a long braid.

"Do not," croaked Jace, his throat sore from shouting, "Why is it so bright in here as well," he said looking up at the ceiling and shielding his eyes, which was odd because the lights weren't switched on, the only light was from the windows, which Jace proceeded to shut out with the curtains. "That's better," he smiled plonking himself down in a chair and waited for the water to boil so he could make some coffee, he wasn't in the mood to go to Taki's this morning for breakfast. He dragged his hands down his face as if still trying to wake himself up. His hair was tousled, and not in a cute way, but in an i've-just-been-dragged-through-a-hedge-and-now-a-bird-has-set-up-residence-look.

"Oh, God I was so wasted, last thing I remember was that nymph leaving, she was hot. What was her name?" Alec breathed a sigh of relief, he didn't remember, but Alec also felt slightly disappointed.

"I don't know what her name was, but you guys were making out for almost an hour in a single armchair, while I was studying, it was disgusting!" said Izzy, putting her plate in the sink and walking away.

"It's not like you haven't gone for longer!" Jace called after her. "I can't believe she has the cheek to-

"You are such a man whore Jace Wayland, I don't bring guys back here every other day, at least they mean something to me!" Izzy called back, obviously still within earshot.

"Man whore? Who says that?" Jace looked up at Alec quizzically who merely shrugged and went to wash his plate. Jace moved to make his coffee, but not before taking some painkillers out of the cupboard, he turned to look at Alec, before walking out, he called back to Alec who was still washing up.

"Thanks for last night Alec."

Alec looked up in horror as Jace threw the painkillers over his shoulder into Alec's surprised hands.

**So just how much does Jace remember? Are his views any different when he isn't drunk? We'll see...hold on to your hats guys, things are gonna get bumpy in the Jalec camp! Please review, it keeps me wanting to carry on!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's the next chapter...wasn't quite sure what I was going to do with this chapter, hope you like the way it plays out. All characters belong to Cassandra Clare.**

Alec stared open mouthed after Jace, a million thoughts raced through Alec's head, fighting each other and giving Alec a headache:

_How much does he remember?_

_Should I ask him?_

_No! That implies that something happened..._

_But something did happen..._

_He doesn't know that!_

_Maybe he does?_

_He probably doesn't_

_I bet he does..._

Alec started to panic, abandoning his washing up he raced to his bedroom taking deep breaths trying to come up with something, anything...but coming up with nothing. He lay down on his bed, long legs hanging over the end, contemplating whether parabatai were allowed to "break-up" surely he would never want to be with Alec again, never see him again, _that's if he remembers_, a small voice reminded him. Sighing Alec decided that he would do nothing; he would wait for Jace to come to him, to ask him about what happened. Changing clothes he went to the library to study, Hodge was down there poring over a thick volume bound in burgundy leather, he didn't look up when Alec came in, and all he said was, "Table. Brown cover. Gold writing. By Darcy Banks. Read chapters 3-7."

"Yep, good morning to you too," muttered Alec taking a seat at a large mahogany table, Jace sat across from him already deep into reading his brow furrowed, hair now combed and complexion less pasty: he looked much better.

Catching Alec staring he looked up briefly flashed Alec a wicked smile, both sinister and teasing before going back to being expressionless. Alec gulped loudly, wondering how the hell he was going to stand this.

Jace got up and left about an hour into Alec's reading session, which still had a chapter and a half left to go, it was only then did Alec realise that after this he was supposed to be training with Jace after this, it was going to be a long day.

Stretching out the chapters as long as they would go Alec tried to stay in the library as long as possible until Isabelle came in nagging him that Jace was waiting for him and getting impatient, she told Alec that he was throwing daggers at a target on the wall and that she thinks they now need a new one as there's not much of it left, "well the bull's-eye anyway, I think its ten throws away from a hole in the wall." She added.

This didn't look good.

Alec walked as slowly as his long legs would carry him, which was about the speed that normal people walked at.

"What kept you?" Jace asked throwing one last knife at the centre of the target and hitting it bang on.

"Nothing, just had to read some chapters again, some of it was a bit confusing." Alec thought it was a smooth lie, but Jace wasn't fooled.

"It was one chapter on uses for pixie dust, one on pixie catching, and two on how pixies are related to fairies. It wasn't difficult; I don't even know why Hodge gave it to us, just to bore us I think. It seems like his mission in life." Jace chuckled, but it sounded forced, Alec didn't make a sound.

"Today Alec I thought we could try just hand to hand combat, no weapons, just me and you."

"Fine." said Alec clamping his lips shut in a hard line, just like his mother did when she wanted to say something, but couldn't. He couldn't deal with Jace when he was like this, where was his sarcastic, arrogant friend? He missed that guy right now.

Alec took up his position opposite Jace, who stretched out his lean arm muscles, Alec watched as they flexed. He heard Jace crack his knuckles as he bent over stretching out his back and calves, the sound made Alec wince. Ready to go, Jace jogged up and down on the keeping light on his feet.

Alec merely sighed, bouncing lightly on the soles of his feet as Jace came at him. Never in all his experience as a shadowhunter had Alec come across and opponent so fierce as Jace, his strength was monumental it took all of Alec's skill as a fighter just to block the punches flying his way and seemingly lightning speed. It didn't take long before one found its mark, catching Alec in the jaw his head whipped back, mouth filled with blood. Alec knew he was going down as he felt Jace kick his legs from under him in a smooth sweeping motion and he didn't try to stop it. Jace was pissed and Alec had known him long enough to know that Jace always worked out his problems in training or demon hunting. Alec lay flat on his back, Jace now straddling him throwing punch after punch, knuckles coming away bloodier and bloodier. Breath heavy Jace hit him again:

"Why won't you fight back? Scared Alec?" Jace's taunts meant nothing.

Punch.

"Come on! You can do better than this Alec!"

Punch.

"Why won't you just FIGHT!"

Double Punch.

"You knew I was drunk and yet you still took your chance anyway!"

Punch.

"Alec always gets what he wants!"

Punch.

"Don't you understand that I was drunk and confused and..." Jace stopped, his shoulders heavy, every deep breath was turning into a sob. Alec stared dumbstruck, Jace was crying? Oh, God Alec had never been good in these situations, what should he do? Alec tried to speak only to spit out blood and...was that a tooth? Alec felt his jaw, he didn't think it was broken, but there was definitely a tooth missing. He felt blood trickling from a cut above his eye and across his cheekbone; his nose was broken for sure. Alec only then remembered he had left his stele in his room, great, and his face was a world of pain that Alec had never experienced before, he moaned loudly without meaning to, and it was only the that Jace seemed to realise where he was.

He took one look at Alec's face, the broken bloody mess, "Oh, god I'm sorry Alec, I'm so so sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. Where's your stele?"

" Uhn, maaah, uhooonn." Alec replied, trying to speak through his bruised and swollen face.

"Uh, where?" Jace felt bad asking again he could see how much pain it caused Alec to speak.

"UUUNNNN! Maahhhhh! Roohhhnnnnn!" Alec shouted wincing as he did so.

"Still not getting you, but I take it you don't have it on you?" Alec rolled his eyes, the only facial expression he could manage without serious pain.

Shyly Jace gingerly moved Alec's hair off his forehead, pushing it back with his fingers, as he got out his stele and drew an iratze on his forehead. Alec couldn't even feel its familiar sting, but the pain started to ebb. Jace eased off him, and moved so he was sitting up against the wall. He looked tired and dishevelled, Alec moved over to sit next to him.

"I was confused too you know." Alec whispered, not looking at Jace as he did so.

"Really?" It was hard for Jace to imagine someone as straightforward and logical as Alec being confused about anything.

"Yeah, and you know there wasn't anyone for me to talk to about it, not anyone that would understand anyway." Alec looked into Jace's eyes sadly, and for the first time Jace could see the whole internal struggle that Alec had suffered and at that moment he knew what the right thing to do was, he could feel it in his heart and Jace had always been one to listen to his heart. He leaned forward and kissed Alec tenderly on the lips, more tenderly than he had ever kissed anyone in his life.

Alec pulled away looking shocked, "I do remember most of last night Alec, and I wouldn't change any of it, I don't regret a thing. When I told you I loved you I meant it, you must know that I am many things, but not a liar."

He smiled at Alec and Alec returned it, both leaned in this time for a more passionate kiss, Jace was surprised when it was Alec who slid his tongue into Jace's mouth, but Jace liked it. Their tongues battled in their mouths, before Alec broke away, Jace looked puzzled, but understood as Alec took his hand and led him through the institute to his room.

**Ooooooooohh, Cliffhanger, sorry I couldn't resist, guess you guys will have to wait until next time, but for now I hope you enjoyed it and please review!**


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